I often feel like within this day and age, being comfortable within solitude almost feels like an act of rebellion.

How many times I have been in conversations with people the last couple of years that could not fathom there was no partner or children in my life, I freely chose celibacy, and that I could take care of myself as a women, has been fascinating me. It mostly ended with giving me unsolicited love advice.

I deeply know it’s a human need to feel a sense of belonging, but I have often wondered after these conversations:

“How can you truly feel a sense of belonging, when you feel an absence in your own being?”

“How can you truly belong, and to what do you belong when the longing comes from a discomfort to connect with your own essence?”

In my life I have always belonged to a variety of different groups.

In high school I would stand with the outcasted “Nerds”, then there were times the “Cool” kids wanted something from me (felt the most uncomfortable to me, like constantly walking on thin ice). I was always shapeshifting through different spaces and layers, celebrating a variety of religious traditions within society everywhere I came.

But for most groups I found a certain undertone, a program lingering in the subconscious, in the unspoken, that said: “Fit in or fall out.”

Where once the authentic expression of one’s individuality would clash or oppose with the dogma, one would not belong anymore and become an outsider to the group.

So within the collectives I often witnessed a deep bedded fear of being seen, because underneath lays the fear of being an outsider.

To me this feels like very shallow waters to swim in.

When Reiki came upon my path, or better said reintroduced itself in 2019, I knew from Marion there is a whole community connected to it. In the years to come, I felt a lot of hesitance regarding communities. “Could I find the freedom of being allowed to be myself within these spaces?”

Then I decided to give it a try, knowing that: “One should give themselves that freedom.”

So for the first time I went to the Reiki conference. And of course within my natural being, I do not always follow the rules if God tells me to follow my intuition, so within the collective Reiki practice time I did a different hand position than what was expected.

Afterwards someone came up to me, because she got triggered as I did not follow the norm or so said “Was a false note within the choir, it was not a solo”. I was perplexed and overwhelmed by the intensity of the reaction, that I froze, and did not really respond.

What should I do with this?

Then I got into a discussion with two masters. Which led to some deep questions:

“What are the layers of oneness and what is the perception of individuality?

And if we would all be raindrops within a big ocean, how could one be on a solo if the ocean is connected to the same universal energy, and all raindrops are working within that field?”.

I decided to go back to the women that was triggered by my action, and bring her to the conversation.

It was beautiful to witness that what I was missing in most communities was now becoming clear before my own eyes:

I was missing the realness of change that can only be found in the open space of discussion.

Being allowed to bring up topics that clash with certain thought paradigms, and being open to learn from all perspectives. Letting go of the grip of rigidity groups often hold, as a fear of losing what is essential.

Then I also see that within the space of evolution we currently walk through as a collective, we are being forged through a path of clearing the untrust that what is essential can ever be lost.

We are clearing out the assumptions, the projections, to come to a clear understanding, that a true grasp of oneness is to be a witness of God. And that when God is felt, one can truly see that there is no expression or action that is not out of God.

Like universal says – no one and nothing is excluded – universal, means for all, and what is for all can never be lost, only be found.

From that moment I know:

Reiki to me means belonging.

And in that belonging my soul is felt in the vastness of oneness that is aligned to my authentic core.

Heart to heart,

Sabina